Has ANYONE in the history of gallbladders been more excited about the prospect of surgery than this girl?
Nope.
(Forgive, s’il vous plait…for a most unsavory topic on a blog reserved for loveliness!)
Gallbladder disease?
Yep.
The results of my latest scan indicate ye ol’ four inch, hollow, pear-shaped digestive-organ-with-the-nauseating-name is not properly functioning. I sure aint 40, flabby, or fertile. Nor do I eat much fried or fatty anything beyond good fatty avacados. But this body IS aging, and there is family history.
(As far as I know, no how-to-blog guide offers suggestions for images to accompany posts related to gallbladders. Cheese and cake references will do.)
I was certain it was GB trouble nearly a month ago when in pain, I drove myself to the ER after the seventh attack. I even scribbled on the hospital’s intake form “gallbladder attacks.”
My blood work revealed an abnormally high lipase level (I was not surprised!), but when the ultrasound came back normal and showed no stones, they sent me home.
Girlfriend was NOT a happy camper.
When the attacks worsened even after cutting fat and eating bland and light, I sought another opinion and underwent more diagnostics including a CT. Complicating matters? My history with Crohn’s Disease. When my doc said it looked like a flare up, I had mixed feelings. I was sad about my remission ending yet happy to hear my pancreas appeared healthy. My BRCA+ genetic mutation puts me at risk for pancreatic cancer, which claimed a close friend last year.
I am very happy to hear my symptoms will likely resolve after surgery as I am beyond ready to be pain-free.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING ME HOPEFUL, ENCOURAGING ME, AND PRAYING FOR ME while I am ill. Please keep praying since it matters.
It has been tricky to function with such a restricted diet. I have been mostly sedentary. My weight would scare you, but I’m no stranger to GI crazytown so it’s not concerning for me. Turns out, my current weight is just right for modeling fashion for my sister’s online business. (I can tell you on authority those waify models are way too hungry to smile down the runway.)
My appetite is unstoppable…it’s a gift for sure as is my passion for food despite such a punishing love affair with it.
The intense abdominal pain (which radiates to my back), brain fog, mood swings, fatigue, sleep disturbance, and circuitous route to a diagnosis have been brutal. I was fist pumping and nearly leaping for joy last night when the phone call came and the diagnosis changed.
The diagnosis is not all that changed.
I have changed.
The intensity of the pain during attacks at times approaches that of childbirth, and though I have a high threshold and know it will eventually subside, oh boy. I have a renewed sense of compassion and deep connection with those who suffer. So many comforts have been removed in the last four weeks.
To be stripped of food, sleep, emotional balance, and cognitive ease is to be vulnerable in new ways. To be ill and in the dark so long for the cause and prognosis is frightening.
As I mentioned in the post about Living in Prayer, the irritability I feel from nutritional deficiencies and pain is challenging. I have to keep forgiving myself. It’s difficult to maintain a sense of humor. Ever lived without a sense of humor for a stretch?
At the moment, I have a deepened sensitivity for coarseness, prickly personalities, and even highly defended psychological states. Pain is teaching me about those desert places. About the souls around me, thirsting and hungering for relief.
What a gift to experience wholly new emotional and spiritual terrain. What an opportunity to mature and grow in gratitude. How can I not view this leg of the journey (even as I approach the tail end of it!) as prosperous?
My brokenness has drawn me
to the everlasting,
to the holy,
to new heights
my wings cannot scale
and where best resources fail.
In ultimate surrender,
I am learning to rest
in loving arms
which carry me
from height to height,
from day to day,
with
a new MERCY
and sweetness
I never knew.
My folks were here for a visit, encouraging me and accompanying me to appointments. What a beautiful mess their daughter has been.
Impatient and angsty, I cry every single day – every time I turn around. I’m so grateful to have family who see my tears as a redemptive, blessed flow to usher in healing and soften the suffering.
If you too are in the valley, I wish you potent doses of HIGHER LOVE and FIERCE GRACE for your soul.
This is just the middle of the story, friends.
We cannot see the surprising ending and resolution. Just look at the twist in my own current chapter.
To trust in what we cannot see requires faith.
To glimpse healing in the absence of cure, demands divine imagination.
May such faith and divine imagination find you.
Peace to you right where you are.
~michele
p.s.
This chant is a sort of lament I listen to when the pain comes. If you care to experience a layer of my inner landscape, this is it.
I independently selected products in this post—if you buy from one of my links, I may earn a commission.
Peace to you right where you are.
-michele
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♥Hope does not disappoint…
Author
I am right there with you – as you remind me of my life’s verse: Romans 5:3-5. We can rejoice in our sufferings, yes? And something NEW gets created when we do! Perseverance, character, hope. The Message says it like this: “There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” ROMANS 5:3-5 MSG
All the very best. You will be fine I am sure and i look forward to hearing how well you’re recovering. You have the perfect attitude and incredible support. Excited for you to feel better. With all that you will do much much better very soon❤️
Author
Thanks for celebrating with me and the encouragement. Yep. I feel so ready to get better. xox
I am so relieved for you. I too suffered many years ago ft e diagnosis. It is a relief after surgery. I felt so much better. Now dealing with a kidney stone. That isn’t fun either. I pray for your continued health.
Author
I feel so encouraged and joined – that helps me so much and calms my fears. Thank you for your prayers and kindness. I pray your own pain will be lessened and that your body will heal soon. Peace and light to you.
I couldn’t help but think of you this morng as I read this scripture –
Isaiah 54:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
I’m praying for you friend.
Author
Amen. IT SHALL NOT BE SHAKEN. Words of honey for my soul. Thank you for this, friend. How blessed I am to be lifted in prayer and reminded of His compassion. Peace to you.
Oh, Michele, That is wonderful news that surgery will end your suffering!! You will still be in my prayers!!
I understand the valley all too well!! Although not there now I have painfully been there before. It always amazes me that, although I can’t possibly see it at the time, there are so many gifts from that pain that can be seen afterwards. God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform as the saying goes!
Love and continuing prayers to you!
Author
We’re valley girls! YES – all of this pain gets recycled into prosperity. I’m nodding my head and saying Amen to your lovely words. Thank you for the prayers and support, friend.
I’m so sorry for all your pain. I celebrate with you for your new diagnosis! Our Sovereign God is at work, refining us, molding us, into looking more like Jesus. I pray you continue to lean into his Mercy and Grace and His healing for you will be boundless.
Author
YES. God is so good. I’ll keep leaning. Thank you for lifting my gaze, friend. Peace to you.
Hallelujah, Michelle! It’s a relief to have a diagnosis, isn’t it? And a benign one at that. I hope your surgery is scheduled for SOON! I had mine two weeks ago and feel wonderful except still tire a bit easily (I’m 60) – this too will pass, I’m told. I’d love to make a recommendation for post-surgery to spare you what I and also a few friends know went through – unecessarily (you don’t have to post this on your blog if you don’t want to). Your surgeon may prescribe Norco (Oxycodone) for pain along with an Rx anti-inflammatory. The Norco combined with the after-effects of anesthesia are notorious for producing the worst constipation imaginable!! My friends and I recount that we couldn’t go for a week! (everything “backs up” producing more pain than necessary, terrible heart burn and more) It was miserable – and completely preventable, we believe. We’re trying to get the hospital to recommend starting on a stool softener same time as the Norco. Anyway what finally brought (painful) relief was a combination of stool softener (Dulcolax) combined with a suppository. Also my surgeon at post-surgery followup recommended Citrucel daily. I never had a problem with constipation before surgery and haven’t since the first week post-op. (feel free to email me directly, if you’d like, Michelle. I had my surgery done locally in Chicago Northwest suburbs.) Prayers for your upcoming surgery and complete recovery!
Author
THANK YOU so much – for all of this helpful and practical info. I’m so glad you are doing well and on your way to feeling completely recovered. How can a tiny organ create such drama? It is so comforting to hear from you as you are a few steps ahead and are so kindly holding my hand. I appreciate all of the advice about pain relief. I have not taken oxy or any strong prescriptions for pain after surgeries so I will likely avoid that issue which I know can be so uncomfortable and unsettling. I may email you since this is all so fresh for you. Can’t wait to put this behind me!
Dear Lady,
You will be fine after surgery.. Take one moment, one day, at a time. Be full of hope because soon you’ll feel so much better.
Many prayers.
God bless you.
T
Author
Thank you, T. I’m so grateful for the encouragement. xox
Joy comes in the morning! So happy to hear your news even though no one wants surgery. His mercies are new each day! Your heart is still grateful even in the pain. I listened to this beautiful chant and it speaks to my Celtic roots. May you have a blessed weekend. Hugs.
Author
Your own joy shines right through your beautiful words and joyful spirit. AMEN! What do you suppose it means that just reading or saying the word MERCY sort of undoes me and makes me weep? I think maybe it’s because I have come to depend on it like oxygen. Thank you, friend. xox
Hi Michelle, I put off the surgery for two yrs. and took Advil during an attack which believe it or not actually worked (and the reason I could put off surgery so long!). I had laparoscopic procedure and went home the next day….out for dinner the next night with no pain. Did not have to use pain meds, again used Advil. Going forward though I have to take Cholestyramine daily for the unfortunate side effects of the missing GB. God bless and take care of yourself.
Author
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will not be putting off surgery as I have experienced quite enough pain. I’m so glad you are better now. I am hoping I will do okay eating post-surgery since I follow a low fat, high fiber diet to successfully manage my Crohn’s disease (in remission! yay!). Thank you for your kindness and openness. xox
I’ve had gall bladder attacks and I know how hideous they are, like someone running a sword through you and twisting it. It was long ago, but I remember having a restricted diet, but I took Bella Donna drops 5-6 times a day, lived on this strict diet, but eventually another attack came. I think that night I took enough pain pills to kill me, but I threw them all up ! Had the surgery, which was a big deal in the ’70’s, and haven’t had ONE problem since then. Now, thankfully, the surgery seems to be so much less invasive SO JUST GET IT OVER WITH ASAP. Thinking about it is the scariest thing. Once in the hospital it’s over before you know it. I’m praying for you to be on the road to recovery in a few days. Sending love….
Author
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for the prayers and love. I’m not dreading surgery at all! I’m very good with pain and have lots of experience with recovery – just can’t wait to get things in motion. I’m so happy to hear you have done so well without the GB – it is very encouraging. 🙂
Fnally a diagnosis! You will soon feel fine and life can get back to normal. Be well, my friend.
Anuna sent chills through my spine. Her music is powerful! Enya and Loretta McKennitt have beautiful voices too. They are on replay in my house.
Blessings,
~Joanna
Author
Thank you, so much. Thank you for listening to Anuna – it is otherworldly, isn’t it? I discovered the music when it was played in church, on the same night of my first excruciating GB attack. As I listened, I felt something shift inside – I can’t explain it – but something healing came into my soul. Later that night, I thought I might pass out from the pain, and you know the rest of the journey. I loved Enya too!
Oh, my dear friend! What a beautiful post ~ but I had no idea you were suffering so. One thing I learned a good while back is to offer up my pain and illness on behalf of someone else — in this case, a close priest friend who was quite ill at the time. How that works, I have no idea. It’s simply a gift to God to do with what He pleases. The other thing was to spend all my time in deep prayer and meditation. Easy enough to do. I couldn’t do anything else. Not even imagine eating. It was this time of year (October, actually) and a beautiful Indian summer weather pattern had set in. I relished the hours of sitting in my garden, the sun on my back, and wrote in my journal and baptized the pages with my tears of frustration. Eventually, all was well. It will be with you, too. Blessings to you on this journey.
Author
YES! YES! YES! A gift to God. And YES to meditation and centering prayer – it is what I have been living in and the most spacious, pure place of rest I know. I have just come in from the courtyard where I let the sunlight enter me. So many tears in recent weeks – mainly because I’m emotionally raw and spiritually present so everything strikes me as beautiful or meaningful. It will be well. Thank you ever so much for all this beauty – what blessing you brought here. xox
I know that feeling! Beautiful courtyard and gardens are so poignant when you’re emotionally and spiritually open — or, should I say, vulnerable in a good way. It’s healing.
Author
Right? They are the best backdrop for healing and have so much to teach. The trees surrounding our home also have much to teach me – they are very much alive and active right now. Walnuts dropping – branches snapping in high winds – and leaves dancing through the air. I can be very critical of our house itself at times. But not the nature around it – no unfortunate design from the universe there! 🙂
Hi Michelle. I had gallbladder surgery in 1996 and suffered a injury by a nurse that injected pain meds in my buttocks and in doing so hit my sciatic nerve and blew it out, they called it foot drop. I woke up and took my first step with a limp and numb foot. I too lost weight suffering from the stones and didn’t have a lot of padding. The injury led to back surgery because I can’t bear weight on my left leg. One day I couldn’t take a step without searing pain. My neurologist said the nerve injury would lead to reoccurring back problems, hip problems and knee injury. In trying to control the pain, I was given many different pain meds. One drug, neurontin, the dose was so large that I was hallucinating music coming from the floor boards and airplanes landing on the roof. And it never controlled the pain. I took control of my meds and changed the way I do everything. The emphasis was no meds. I live with the daily pain and relearned walking, sitting and all activity to mitigate the pain. I hope everything goes well for you and have someone with you. Denise
Author
I am so thankful for your honesty and for sharing your story – what a journey you have been on, friend. What strength, courage and perseverance you have developed in your recovery. I deeply honor your commitment to cope without the meds. That is huge! I’m drug naive (I don’t even drink wine more than a few times a month) and have had some unfortunate reactions to strong anesthesia meds in the hospital so I can relate to your hallucinations – though my experience was essentially visual psychedelic tripping for days. It was overwhelming and robbed me of so much rest after surgery so I can imagine how challenging it must have been for you with the added injury, distress, and suffering you endured. I never filled prescriptions for narcotics after my mastectomy and reconstruction surgeries so probably will not manage my pain with them. I will be sure to have someone with me. Peace to you, lovely one.
Your pain will be a thing of the past when that pesky gall bladder is gone. There is not much to the surgery anymore, unlike when my late mother had it. As one commenter pointed out, it is a laparoscopic procedure, and the discomfort was really rather minor for me. If they give you Norco, make sure they accompany it with an anti-nausea med as it is known to produce vomiting, etc. A stool softener is helpful, and then comes the process of learning what you may not want to eat anymore. It sounds like you are a healthy eater anyway, so you will probably sail through this and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. Fingers crossed!
Author
Thanks for your help! I wanted the surgery the day I drove myself to the hospital a month ago (they sent me home) – have never had any upper abdominal pain before this month – it’s all new. So I have a lot of compassion for you who suffered for years. Yep, not worried about surgery at all. I have had complicated ones and done fine. Hoping for laparoscopic but this can depend on the type of GB issue. Not all are the same – mine does not involve stones so we’ll see. I don’t like pain meds and no anti nausea meds for me- I am allergic! With my Crohn’s disease I follow a low fat, high fiber diet, the only fat I am worried about saying goodbye to is avacado!!! Boo! I haven’t had cheese or butter or much fat at all for a month so will need to address the cravings I guess if those things are off limits.
I am so very glad the affirmation cards are helpful. I went through this in the early 90s and I am here to tell you the pain was so bad I couldn’t even speak to the doctor. I couldn’t get a word out. Once I had surgery? pain free. forever. And at the time they kept trying to push morphine on me. I went home hours later and they wanted to send a visiting nurse. I kept saying that I had no pain but they had a hard time believing me. Finally, they did. So when they try to push pain meds on you see first if you need them. Because seriously, i had NO PAIN! Also I have no dietary restrictions. Oh, I SHOULD just to loose weight but was given no special diet and have had no problems. And I had no bowel issues.
I know your medical history is different, but since I am a mind/body proponent I would say let your body be your guide. If you want some hypnotherapy let me know. Skype works well with that and I have chronic pain clients.
Wishing you an easy and successful operation! Will be sending good juju your way, love. And thank you for all you do for A Healing Spirit.
Author
You’re such a light, Carol. Thank you for sharing all of this. Your affirmation cards are so wonderful – a close friend with a brain tumor cherishes them and please know they are enriching her days. So happy to hear about your recovery from surgery. I am right with you about no pain meds unless things are out of control. I have taken zero pain meds with my GB attacks. I take a .25 xanax and use gravity, postures, and relaxation techniques to move through the pain. They last 2-3 hours, and at the end I cry – which is a signal the pain is subsiding – and then I fall asleep. My Crohn’s flares were brutal so my threshold is high. I didn’t even fill my prescriptions for narcotics after all the breast surgeries. When I mentioned crying all the time in the post – I’m crying because of my heightened sensitivity as I see life so beautiful, not from pain during the day. The hypnotherapy is a wonderful option, and I’m glad you brought it up since I need to refer a few folks to you. Thanks for all you do on behalf of so many spirits seeking healing.
I know the pain well. I had never had abdominal issues but then suddenly after recovering from a stomach flue I had a few attacks. Fortunately I was diagnosed rather quickly and had surgery quickly in 2016. I had the laparoscopic procedure as an outpatient procedure. I agree with others recommending a stool softener. I didn’t require any pain meds. I’ve had 2 other open surgeries in past (female problems) and will tell you there is a huge difference between open and laparscopic procedures. No pain whatsoever from the tiny incisions. My dr. told me that I would eventually be able to eat without any restrictions but I did have to start off with a soft food diet and work my way into. I was very cautious and took a good 3 mos. of eating light. I was doing great until this past spring when I had another attack that was worse than the ones from my gallbladder and it’s taken months to get a diagnosis which is SMA syndrome. I had never heard of it because it’s rare…figures 🙁 Anyway, I’m slowing trying to regain “normal” and pain free days but it’s hard. In order to avoid surgery which they only do as a last resort, I need to gain weight. I’ve always been thin due to genetics so it’s hard for me to gain. Even though there’s no way a dr. can say for sure, I’m convinced my SMA is somewhat related to my prior gallbladder problem mainly because it was even more difficult for me to gain & maintain weight after surgery. I mention all this to you because you look about the same size I was prior my gallbladder surgery so be mindful of maintaining a healthy weight. Many blessings for a speedy recovery and good health!
Author
You have been through so much – thank you for your candidness about your history and the great tips. I have never heard of SMA and am so sorry to hear you experience pain. You do sound like me with multiple digestive issues. I even had colitis in the past and also c-difficile which was a beast and took 18 months to resolve – I had a collection of bowel diseases. Hoping you and I both return to better health very soon. 🙂
Michele, I’ve been praying for you every day. I’m so glad that you have a diagnosis and I’ll continue the prayers for your safe and successful surgery and healing. God bless you my friend 💗
Author
I’m so grateful. I’ll keep you posted, friend. xox
Yay!!! I am so happy for you to finally have a diagnoses. That surgery will be a piece of cake for you! Will continue to lift you in prayer. God will not lay to waste your suffering.
Kristin
Author
I like your word choice – piece of cake is what I’m hoping for! Thank you.
I’ve been wondering about you. Thank god you know what it is! Get that gall bladder outta there! The lament is exquisite.
Love to you
Cindy
Author
Thanks for your support, gorgeous soul. I want it out! Love right back at ya. xox
I am so happy you have an answer and hopefully a fairly easy solution. May our Loving God grant you peace and healing.
Author
What a comfort! Thank you.
Having just returned home from a few days away, I was stunned, saddened, and relieved all at the same time in reading your update. For a kind soul to experience such constant pain is unfair and at the same time, your kind soul has found a path to relief. I wish you a quick treatment, steady recovery, and joyous days ahead. You are in my thoughts and prayers Michele – stay strong and keep shining like the beautiful star you are.
Author
Thanks, Joan. I’m strong so I’ll be fine. The path to relief at the moment is no fat and leaning into Grace. I almost typed “faith,” but that wavers all the time and isn’t all that dependable. Grace is though. xox
Michele,
I have just prayed for our Lord to have mercy upon you and heal you. Rest in His mighty arms for He is your loving Father and will be with you during surgery and afterwards during recovery. Your little doggie will be there too. This will pass soon and you will be feeling yourself again. May the Peace of God surround you.
Stay away from the strong meds, you will not need them. I had a surgery a few months ago and did well with Tylenol and/or Advil. It will be easier on your body.
Remember that you are a child of God, rest in his arms.
Author
Thank you, friend. What a blessing. Thank you for mentioning my Bella Luna. What a comforting thought. I will definitely stay away from strong meds – have always been able to avoid them and don’t need any added drama after this summer’s. So glad to hear you recovered well after surgery. Oh the power of a child of God with a made up mind, yes?