{Personal Reflections} Surfing, Surrender, and Soul

I just returned from the salon, and after listening to
myself ramble to my hairstylist about the turbulent ride
these last 10 weeks have been, I feel both spent and surprised
to have survived the dizzying twists and turns.

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Illness.
Deadlines.
Disappointments.
Mistakes.
Home renovation.
Holidays & Hosting.
Anxiety.

Know how I have been coping with life’s bumpy ride?
(No, no, not like a playa and not like a girlboss either…
even though playas and girlbosses are lovely.)

Like a surfer.

Photo: Michele –  Hello Lovely Studio

(I took the photo of these surfers at Pipeline,
a surfing competition on Oahu’s North Shore.
It’s my happy place.)

The Arizona Fixer Upper…a new Happy Place

When you reach a certain age, I think you are less surprised
when the roaring waves roll in..even the ones
gnarly enough to claim you.

Because you learn you can ride gnarly waves.
You can.

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Two words have become profoundly
significant on my surfing journey in the past year.
I learned them from a wise teacher.

Mixed media collage – Hello Lovely Studio

Relax and cooperate.

To do this demands a letting go, a surrender,
and a gentle opening of hands and soul.

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For many years, my small hands naturally
formed clenched fists whenever fear or anxiety surfaced.
I don’t think I viewed this response as unhealthy.
Just a harmless reaction, I thought.

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It was only when I began to unfurl the fear from
these fingers in a vulnerable
and surrendered posture to receive,
that I began to awaken to a hidden wholeness.

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As I practiced upturning my palms–even shaky palms–
to the sky more often, I found that my capacity
to feel love and compassion was expanding.
Is this not a precious treasure to discover
in the second half of life!?!

There was indeed violence in my tightly held fists.
Directed inward.

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I am keenly aware I still resemble a
stay-at-home-gypsy wired for words
more than I do a wave-loving-surfer-sage.

But there is surfing going on over here
in the land-locked heartland, brah.

Also gratitude.

For waves, for transformation,
for the gift of awakening to new realms.

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Richard Rohr says if you don’t transform your pain,
you’ll transmit it, and I know he’s right.

In fact, pain can be recycled beautifully
if we allow it to have its way with us.

Kindness too!

So when I open these hands now, I let go.

Of attachments.
Of fear.
Of my need for approval and acceptance.

I let go of the old agenda,
and suddenly a new spaciousness
takes hold.

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It’s an ongoing endeavor, of course.
I keep falling asleep, keep clinging,
and keep forgetting to open my hands.
And I’ll never truly arrive, even with striving
(which is totally a relief if you ask me).

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But what might lie ahead with
metaphorical surfing practice, living out
two un-sexy words–relax and cooperate–
when the seas are stormy?

Do you suppose even bumpy roads
can somehow become a beautiful
deep blue ocean of waves?

Peace to you right where you are.

~michele