The snowglobe is back with a fury.
It’s truly gorgeous, yet today it’s moody
inside the globe due to cabin fever and
grief I feel for my mom who is sitting
with a port in her empty bosom at chemo.
They pump her full of medicine which will
for days keep her nauseous and feeling
as though she has been run over by a truck.
Tomorrow a painful shot will be injected
directly into her bones and wipe her out.
Normally, on a day like today
I would stuff myself with
delicious baked goods and maybe
fall to my knees in prayer.
Me and gluten are no
longer friends though.
So there’s that too.
pics of mom’s arizona house
Cancer can easily steal a daughter’s sense of humor,
and I friggin hate cancer for that…I can’t stand
the femininity it steals from my mother
and these tears it claims on my keyboard.
*pulls it together*
(I particularly like the big girl panties to ‘dolls of my childhood’ segueway.)
I feel my creative-self at a crossroads
and know from the reading
I do in blogland that many
of you can relate.
these are the sort of details my mom sees to before i visit!
I have written professionally
for magazines and web for 4 years,
and while publishing credits
are fulfilling (500+, mama!),
it does divert attention away from
creating art and working on a book.
Read about the BRCA journey of me and my sister
Is a book what’s next?
And why is what I have to say important
in light of everything else being said out there?
Is simply being near the phone
and frequent traveling what’s next?
BTW, I am on facebook now to better
stay in touch, and hello lovely
wants to you like its page…I don’t exactly
understand why…but they do, so you should.
Pursuing a Ph.D. is on my list;
is campus life next?
Is a new (and smaller!) home
construction project next?
you are making it
awfully hard for me to stay put.
I am unsure.
So I am being still.
I am listening.
I am telling my heart
it’s okay we don’t know yet.
I am praying for discernment
and peace as I wait.
I am counting my blessings,
aware that the sheer existence
of so many options available
means I am beyond fortunate,
abundantly rich in resources and love.
Thank you for reading me,
for keeping my mom in your prayers,
and for making Hello Lovely such
a restful haven for me.
Peace to you right where you are.