Christmas is near. A pocket of December hours finds me pondering the year’s highs and lows. It was largely a series of pains that seemed to drag on. In terms of literal wakefulness, it was truly long since I averaged four hours of sleep nightly. Did I accomplish more, learn more, frightfully awake as I was? Was I fruitful? Good gracious, no. I was a mess. Was there beauty in the dry season? If I squint, I remember glimmers. Persistent unrest, weight loss, disconnection, self-absorption, irritability, shame, and emotional weirdness were faithful companions. I’m old enough to respect the mystery so I don’t need or deserve closure to transcend this chapter. I only need to transcend.

Desert Whispers Away from Snow
Were I not in the land of saguaro forests and stillness, I am sure I would be studying the wonder of snowflakes on the prairie. While the cold disturbs my health, the snow stirs my senses, calms me, and draws me into sacred worship.

It’s that place of awe, of rising before the sun or communing with the moon where I’m most free. There’s little to overthink. Worry and fear are at bay.

I see folks around me filling with joy and wonder during the Christmas season.

I’m envious. The bright lights and bells seem to echo a song in their hearts.

While my heart quiets. It responds to silent snowfalls and subtleties.

Deep Needs are Everywhere
This is a season where deep needs seem to be magnified in my awareness.

The physical needs of the poor, the sick, and the lonely who lack resources.

The spiritual depravity for so many living in the land of plenty.

At a time an excessive display of abundance and twinkling lights are everywhere, I long for the real thing, those radiant beams beyond.

And so I find myself managing holiday overwhelm more than participating in the glory. I look for the mercy. Try to embody the mercy. I always fall short.

Searching for Radiance
Since I am built this way where a mix of emotions strangely swirl, I pray for help. I pray for eyes to see radiant beams from a newborn’s holy face.

I am learning to allow the mystery to move me, to have its way. (Even and especially when it is not MY way.)

Allowing reality to be reality is only possible with non-dual thinking, the help of Grace, and new maturity. I expect to evolve until I leave this body.

Oh that my soul would be drenched in the richness of Christmas blessing so that my truest self, the part of me aligned with God, might awaken to its divine indwelling.

As I reflect on a year of poor health and uncertainty, may I be moved into thanksgiving for the opportunity to live these new lows and new opportunities for deeper compassion.

Let it Be Done to Me
I cannot help but think of Mary in this advent season.

“Let it be done to me!” (Luke 1:38)

Isn’t this bold response EVERYTHING and truly miraculous when we can sincerely empty ourselves to welcome mystery?

In what ways do we shut down over and over when something new stirs in us, asking to be born?

How much do we resist change when we know full well that God is ever in the business of change?

Come All Ye Faithful
My soul always grows tender when I hear the words to a well known Christmas hymn:

LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM.

What is crowding this heart of mine? Have I left room for the Christ?

A Prayer
Holy Creator of marvelous things, open this restless heart wide as a universe. Bring your gentle mercy, your Big Bang of justice, your cosmic Christ holding all things great and small together.

Holy Giver, your child is so prone to wander – draw her to your holy side.

Lead her into secret rest only you can supply.

Help her trust the Mystery as a wild, generous, quantum instrument of peace.

Let it be done to her.

Let it be born in her.

Let Love lead her to life everlasting.

Hold us as we grow, Holy Mother of our hearts.

Forgive us for all of the ways we resist the change you bring.

Love is Christmas
Sending you so much love and tender mercy wherever this finds you.
Peace to you right where you are.
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your words are always so earnest…says everything about your heart.
may you have your desire this christmas…
let it be done to you.
xo
Author
thank you kindly. xox